i was there

i don't know
if you knew
i was there
i thought it would be best
i thought it would be easier
for you
if i didn't touch you
if i didn't speak
it had seemed so hard for you earlier
when the end began
so hard for you to let go
my touch
my words of comfort
only solidifying a bond that needed to loosen
and so
i helped you settle your body into a safe and comfortable place
told you to try to sleep
and dream of billy
and then i said no more
and though i desperately wanted to hold you
and stroke your sleek coat
i thought it would be best
i thought it would be easier
for you
if i didn't
so i stayed silent
i stayed still
but close
hoping you remembered me telling you
what a magnificent cat you were
what a dear friend
thanking you for your companionship
telling you
i'll love you
always
hoping you knew
i was there
for you
as i listened to the faint whisper of your last breath
and the silence
as you slipped off into the night