little black mama cat

she first showed up two weeks ago.  it was late afternoon and i happened to glance out the kitchen window and saw her just past the sycamore tree.  in a way i had been expecting her.  i was having a hard day, crying over jack, and had just had an interesting experience while half-napping.  i first had a strong sensation of being sort of enveloped in soft black and i saw/felt jack's smiling face.  i rested in the sensation until it faded after a minute or so.  i sat up and while wide awake had a dream---a little black cat about jack's size was in the house just inside the front door.  i had the sense that the cat was making itself at home in some way.  though it looked very much like jack i knew that it wasn't. 
i went into the bathroom and washed the tears from my face and then went into the kitchen.  staal was doing something at the kitchen sink and i stood next to him and looked out the kitchen window.  there she was, checking out some gopher holes.  i went out the front door and called "here, kitty, kitty..."  she was panting and meowing to me as i continued to talk to her and move a bit closer.  she was very skittish and wouldn't let me get close, retreating to the brush on the other side of the creek.  she sat in the brush for a while meowing back to me after each time i called her.  after a few minutes she disappeared deeper into the tangle of manzanita and poison oak.  i put some water out for her near the creek (which has dried up for the summer) and went about the rest of the day.

she kept quite a distance from me but from what i could see of her she looked to be in milk.  i've been thinking about her and where she might have her nest of kittens, hoping she and her babies are all okay.

she showed up again wednesday (8/14/19) evening around 6-6:30pm (i had dreamed black cats all night the previous night).  again i happened to look out the kitchen window and saw her sitting by one of the pine rounds that marks the driveway.  staal and i called her through the window and this time she came running toward the house meowing and panting.  i went outside and she spooked a little at first because she heard zane whine and bark.  she didn't go far, just around to the back side of the house.  i went back and talked to her and told her i'd get her some food and she seemed to understand. 

i first thought to bring her some of the kibble i take to the wild cats across the street but then thought some wet food would be a much better choice because i figured she was probably panting from being a bit dehydrated from nursing kittens in the heat.  i mixed up a bowl of the food i'd been feeding jack and billy.  it's a dehydrated food that you mix with water to get whatever consistency your cat prefers.  she was very hungry and scarfed down the food in less than a minute.

after she finished the food i gave her she was still meowing so i mixed her another bowl.  i ended up giving her a total of three full bowls of food and one that was half food and half water to get some good fluid into her.  when she'd finished the fourth bowl she seemed satisfied and quieted down.  she had stopped panting and sat, with a very full belly, licking her lips.  i kept talking to her and told her to come back when she got hungry again and to bring her babies with her.  she sort of came toward me like she was saying thank you and would have enjoyed some petting but she wasn't willing to make any contact that would put her at risk of not being able to get back to her babies. 

when she started to leave i followed at a distance to see where she might have her kittens but she quickly gave me the slip.  maybe she'll be back.