just add ducks

i spent the spring getting the emergency escape trailer for the ducks built and outfitted.  my goal was to get it to the point where it would be able to transport them safely if we have to evacuate due to fire or other emergency and then act as sort of a fully equipped shed that would provide them shelter, feed, and water wherever we may have to camp. 
after i got the trailer gutted and rebuilt the fold down step door i was sort of at a loss as to how to proceed.  i didn't have a clear vision of what would be the most functional use of the space inside and the odd dimensions of the trailer were a little bit of a challenge to me in thinking out the best use of materials etc.  finally, as with most of my projects, i just had to start and let the thing evolve, dealing with each element as it became necessary.
here it is, start to finish...


i started by bolting some 2x6" to the trailer body so i would have sort of a foundation to build onto.

i then did some basic framing of what felt like would provide adequate ventilation and usable space.

i roofed it with some thin plywood.  because i didn't want the trailer sticking up very high when i'm towing it there isn't enough space to stand up inside so i built a hinged roof hatch for added ventilation and that when opened will provide me head room when i need to go inside to manage things.

from trailer roof looking down through hinged roof hatch

i built the upper door and then used the pneumatic stapler to attach 1/2'' hardware cloth to all of the framing.

with the main structure finished i started work on making the space inside more usable.  to make the wasted space of the wheel wells functional i built storage racks onto them for holding square buckets full of various feed supplements.

since the new ducks we got last fall were never fully accepted by the existing flock we still have to keep them separated as far as housing (they forage together without giving each other too much trouble) so i built a division inside the trailer to keep the two groups separated during transport and to give them separate sleeping areas if we have to camp somewhere overnight.

hard to tell from the photo but the stall on the right is larger than the one on the left...small stall for the small flock, large stall for the large flock

each stall has a lidded, 4-gallon bucket full of water mounted at the back.  at the bottom of the buckets are nipple waterers that dribble water when a thirsty duck nibbles at them.  the ducks have this type of drinking water system in their sheds for overnight water so they are already accustomed to using them.

the wiring for the tail lights was in terrible shape and basically nonfunctional.  staal donated his time and expertise installing new led tail and marker lights and completely rewiring everything.  he also surprised me with fixing the spare tire and getting a hazard triangle to mount on the back of the trailer to make it more visible and recognizable as more of an agricultural type, and likely slow moving, conveyance.

the mount on the front of the trailer takes a 1 7/8" ball and since a 2" ball is more common these days that is what i have had on my truck hitch.  rather than having to unbolt and change balls on my truck depending on what it may need to tow at any given time i decided to get a multiball and new drop so that changing the ball just means pulling the hitch pin and rotating the multiball as needed.  there were no safety tow chains on the trailer so i bought some and installed them at the same time i installed the new drop and ball on my truck.

the ducks have had a little time to get acquainted with the trailer during some foraging outings and it seems like it will be fairly comfortable for them.  at this point it's road ready.  it's loaded with feed and water, portable fencing and other goodies.  should the need arise all we'll have to do is just add ducks.

may we never need to use it.

moth

yesterday evening i met a moth (Antheraea polyphemus).  she was in the orchard garden on the ground in some leaves and garden debris under a big oak.  she flapped her big, tattered wings but couldn't get into the air, just flapped and flopped on the ground.  i was a little concerned she would beat herself to death so i picked her up.  she quickly settled down on my hand.  i tried to entice her out of my hand several times but she would just crawl back up and cling tighter with her feet.  so we just sat together for probably 30 minutes and i tried to be quiet enough to hear what she had to say. 

we sat in the greenhouse for a while (staal and zane joined us).  it got to be bedtime for the ducks so staal volunteered to take care of them while i sat with the moth.  when staal went into the house to get some bedtime rice for the ducks i got a clear image of the meditation hut in my mind so moth and i went back out to the garden and sat in the meditation hut.  after a few minutes in the meditation hut she started to vibrate her entire body and then suddenly took flight.  i watched her fly high over some live oaks and disappear.

 thank you, moth.  we wish you well.

and i wonder

i find myself somewhere beyond my self
beyond matter
beyond time
nameless
peaceful and light
and i wonder if this is how death feels
then i feel it all come rushing back
this body
this name
this ego
and it is all so heavy
so
heavy
and i don't know if i can bear it
again
and i don't know how to let it go
again
and i wonder if this is how birth feels

second chance (a letter to grover)

in the morning
i wake from a dream
in which i am having difficulty
keeping my eyes open
i struggle against the weight
of impossibly heavy lids
it isn't so different from waking reality
i struggle daily
pushing against the weight of ignorance
trying to see
trying to wake from a deeply ingrained trance
to awaken
to what is
your picture is pinned up next to the bed
i see it every morning
but this morning is different
this morning your deep brown eyes
seem to look right into me
and my heart breaks all over again
i was blind in so many ways then
i did what i thought was right
i went along with many of the cultural attitudes
about how a dog ought to be treated
i loved you
but i kept a distance between us
because you were a dog and i was a human
and that's the way everyone knew it was supposed to be
they were wrong
i was wrong
things started to change in your last year
i started to see a little more clearly
i started to open to you
we weren't just dog and human
we were friends
we grew closer
and then you got sick
and i knew i had wasted so much of our time together
stuck in ignorance
there was cancer in your liver and spleen
you were in pain
the doctor said euthanasia would be best
we spent one more day together
the next morning
i helped you into the truck
because you were too weak to make the jump onto the seat
i walked you into that little room that reeked of antiseptic
the doctor came in with two syringes
the first one was to calm you
the second to put you into a sleep you'd never wake from
in all your years of vaccinations
and blood draws
you never let on you even felt the prick of the needle
but that morning was different
that morning on the cold hard floor in the vet's office
you fought the needle for the first time
but i couldn't let myself hear you say
“take me home, please take me home”
a doctor, an expert had said this was for the best
and so
i held you still
i held you as you slumped
and your breath grew ragged
i held you as your heart stopped
and your body went so still and so quiet
and i couldn't feel you there anymore
the doctor pronounced you dead
and left the room
i started to cry
i picked up your body
heavy and limp
and carried you to the truck
to take you home
as i drove i stroked your head
i was numb
but somewhere underneath the numbness
i knew
i was wrong
again
i should have kept you home that morning
i should have held you
in our familiar room with its familiar smells
i should have held you
through the pain on a soft warm bed
i should have held you
just the two of us saying goodbye
and letting you go
as your time came
and you were ready
just as it had that day you were born
grover dandy
and i wonder
why we see the pain of birth as natural
and the pain of dying as something unnatural
i buried you in the garden
for weeks i cried
devastated and heartbroken
over your death
and the suffering i'd caused you
through my blindness
my ignorance
on a walk at sunset
more than a month after your death
i break down on the trail on the hillside
on my knees
i tell you how sorry i am
i ask you to help me find you again
ask for a second chance
swear that i will do better
swear it
with all there is of me
i picked myself up as the sun slid below the horizon
and walked back to the little room we once shared
after that i spend every free moment
searching the internet
for you
for my dog
for a puppy that will be our second chance
i visit a local shelter
look at countless puppy pictures on the internet
none of them feel right
until one day
a picture of a blue heeler pup
something in his eyes
i am excited
and scared
but i know he is the one
a friend drives me nearly 3 hours to stockton to see him
i am nervous on the drive
still on the highway but not far from our exit
i see a billboard for “the grove” church
moments later we pass a truck
with a logo on the door for “grover tree service”
i smile and relax a bit
we get off the highway and drive through a residential area
two blocks before the street we are looking for is “grove st.”
i know this is the way
we find the house
and a man hands me the pup from the picture
as soon as he is in my arms he turns to face me
and clings to my shoulders with all the strength in his little paws
“don't put me down”
i hear him clearly
“don't put me down, take me home”
we get in the truck to go home
pup still clinging to my shoulders
i struggle to put on my seat belt
i gently persuade him onto my lap
and get myself belted in
he turns to face me again
and sits that way
without a wimper
barely moving or even blinking
just staring into my eyes the entire 3 hour drive home
as we sit looking into eachother on the long drive
i promise him my best
that we will do everything together
our bond is sealed
and now
this morning as i look at your picture and cry
this pup you helped me find
licks the tears from my eyes
and settles down next to me on the bed
waiting to see what we will do together today
i get myself up
and prepare for the lessons he will offer me
thank you
grove
for all you taught me
and for the second chance

some baby voles and a turtle

neat day.  i was doing a little watering in the kitchen garden this afternoon and heard some little squeaks coming from a big clump of arugula.  found a couple of tiny baby voles that had somehow wandered out of their nest.  they were a little wet from my watering so i dried them off with my t-shirt and got them back into the nest.  a little while later i saw their mama go into the arugula to check on her little ones.

around 5:00 our neighbor pulled into our driveway and handed me a turtle she had just found in the middle of the road.  staal and i are going to take him to nearby pond where we often see turtles.

it's snowing

handsome henry