no words

love and gratitude,
frustration and pain,
“i love you” and “thank you”,
words don't touch the truth of it
acts, maybe, come closer,
closer
so what am i to do when he kisses me softly and tells me he loves me?
i tell him i love him too,
and i cry,
sometimes,
because those words don't come close to what i feel for him
and i want him to know,
i want him to know how much bigger it is,
and there is a guilt and a helplessness in it,
a failure
for i wanted always to be honest,
completely honest,
but i'm made a fraud by the frailty of words.
and so, “i love you” and “thank you”, become a plea,
a plea for forgiveness,
a plea made in faith that he will understand